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Old Writings

#1 User is offline   Enraged Slith Icon

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Posted 23 February 2010 - 07:21 PM

I just happened across a couple of very short stories I wrote a few years back. I recall wanting to write something awesome but quickly growing frustrated at my inability to do so. Instead, I decided to write something blatantly stupid. It turns out, I enjoyed the process. I now present them, completely unedited, to a viewing audience.

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Robot Title
"My robot has more gears."
"Yes, but my robot can fly."

This would be their final battle. Both robots leaped at each other, except for the flying robot which flew at the other robot instead.

The melee commenced, the ultimate battle between machine and machine. The air around them robotically hummed a robotic tune as the robot battle continued. A rat scampered across the room, but no one noticed because the robots were battling. The men were soon forgotten too, amidst the robotic brawl, which now engulfed the area.

Only robotic strength would determine this battle. No robotic tricks or robotic surprises, just robotic prowess.

Suddenly, a robotic maneuver ended the robot, declaring the robot the victor, and leaving the other robot in a robotic pile of robotic parts and robotic pieces.

"Told ya," said the man before his robot robotically self-destructed. They all died in the robotic explosion.

Robot.

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Bat Problems (This was based on a Resident Evil 1 drawing of the character Barry refusing to help anyone because he was now a bat and above human problems. The name was changed to Bill for some reason.)

Everyone wanted Bill's help but, unfortunately for them, Bill was now a bat and could not understand their requests. Hungry, Bill flew off and ate some bugs but met an unfortunate end in the jaws of Garthxn, the mighty red dragon of Denshire and scourge of the Eight Towns, who was also out hunting at the time and was very hungry because, having eaten everything in Denshire and the Eight Towns, he was unable to find anything to eat for quite a while. Without Bill's help, everyone was forced to think for themselves. And then came the storm.

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Women Problems

Ralph needed a wife, but he had trouble finding women. He checked downstairs; he checked in the attic; he checked in the cupboard; and he even checked under the sofa, but he could never find a woman. Eventually, Ralph gave up and married a rock instead.

They had many children and lived happily ever after, except for the bugs who had relied on the rock for shelter, and they soon died when the weather turned. Years later, without their aid, the battle for Glenbrook was lost and the world was subject to a new evil rule that lasted for centuries.

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If Chickens Could Talk

If chickens could talk then they might tell us of the mighty Clan Wars that ruffled the feathers of the world. Unfortunately, this knowledge was lost many years ago, as all chickens can do is cluck a little, which is a poor language in itself because it is not really a language at all, and describing anything is rather difficult without the use of a language or the ability to write. So today, all chickens do is frantically flap around, clucking away incoherently and scratching at the ground as if to try to pass on some of their wisdom and lore. With no possible means of communication, we can only assume that it was a dreadful and taxing war with much destruction, as wars can go.

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Random Musings

Everyone thought he had acne but it turned out to be small pox. It was pretty obvious once we remembered that acne isn't contagious.

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THE END

If you read all of this, you deserve a medal. :beast:
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#2 User is offline   Dintiradan Icon

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Posted 23 February 2010 - 10:17 PM

The first paragraph of Women Problems wins.

The first story reminds me of this great paper, as well as the accompanying presentation.
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#3 User is offline   Arancaytar Icon

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Posted 14 July 2010 - 01:41 PM

Quote

Suddenly, a robotic maneuver ended the robot, declaring the robot the victor, and leaving the other robot in a robotic pile of robotic parts and robotic pieces.


This is my favorite sentence. (From that story. Women Problems does win.)
Eternity lies ahead of us, and behind. Have you drunk your fill?
The 8 digits of π beginning from 242422 places after the decimal point are 42424242. --Wikipedia
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